Loss GBE 1
Loss can mean so many different things to different people. Most people will conjure up a memory of a lost one...either a family member, a friend or even a beloved pet. It may strike up a memory of something that a person may have lost that either has value or sentimental value. It could even take you back to a time you lost your way on a journey or through life. Maybe you lost yourself.
For me, when I saw this prompt, it brought back 2 totally different memories at the same time which is quite odd but I can kinda see why they instantly popped into my mind.
I'm going to concentrate on the first memory that popped into my mind relating to how I had lost myself over the years. I think it stems from reigniting the GBE group & remembering how I would write every day & talk to everyone involved several times a day for hours.
Then I met my ex & that was that. He was very controlling & I had those rose tinted glasses on. He made me delete everything....literally all my social media, my blog that I'd spent so much time building up, my email account. Everything. I lost it all & in losing all that, I lost myself too.
I became someone he wanted me to become & when I looked in the mirror I didn't recognise the person staring back at me. I was a stranger. Someone who cowered in the corner. Someone who walked on egg shells every waking hour. Someone who kept her head & eyes down any where I went. Someone who put her pen & paper down for too many years. Someone who had zero confidence, strength or happiness left in her.
It took me 4.5 years to walk away.
It's taken me 9 years to even come close to becoming me again & trust me that's still a work in progress every single day.
Do I still feel a part of me is lost somewhere? Absolutely. Am I still trying to find that person deep inside me? Some times I search, some times I leave it be. One day who knows if that person will shine brightly back at me when I look in a mirror, smiling a big smile & who will whisper "you're back, I've missed you."
I am so glad to see my long time friend smiling & on fire with life! Keep going forward! You've got 3 lovely gentlemen cheering you on from home now! Nice blog, Donna! Give AJ, William & Oscar a hug for me!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words Tai ❤️ hugs will be given a plenty 😁 xx
DeleteThanks so much for sharing such a personal pain, and unfortunately one that is all too familiar. Your writing is lovely and I'd be curious to read about the other memory that the prompt brought up for you. Thanks again for blogging!
ReplyDeleteThank you Alicia for your lovely words. I will definitely share my other memory soon ❤️
DeleteI remember when you disappeared.
ReplyDeleteHow we were all so very worried about how you were doing.
I had an email for you. So I sent you a message. You replied,once, that you were ok. Just taking a social media break. And then you were gone again.
I'll never forget the joy I felt when you finally came back to us. The joy of watching you find yourself again....
Love you bunches, my sweet friend 😘
It's me, Christine, loving you bunches
DeleteAww my bumblebee thank you ❤️ there were so many words I wanted to write at that time but having eyes watching me I couldn't even say what was happening. I missed you all so much & remember when I came back you were all the first ladies I searched for, I needed you all back in my life ❤️ love you bunches too xx
DeleteI remember so much about you before... and then while you were shrinking before you disappeared. It was a scary thing to witness and I can't imagine how it had to feel for you.
ReplyDeleteWhen you returned, it was truly a joy to see you. You have always been such a bright light, Donna, and you've built and continue to build such a beautiful life. Shine on, sweet woman!
Beth that's so kind of you to say, thank you. I shall continue to shine definitely. I hated how I had to keep quiet, how I just couldn't shout it all out from the rooftops. Fear is horrid.
DeleteBut I'm happy I'm back, I'm happy how I can now share the happiest of times in my life & the blessings my family bring me. ❤️
It's hard to get out of that kind of relationship. After listening to it for so long, you start to believe it, which makes it even harder to get out. Glad you made it. MEN! I Swear! (said while holding hands on hips and shaking head in disapproval)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely agree. Honestly I thought I was worthless, a waste of space because that's what was pushed into my mind constantly. I truly believed I couldn't survive without being in that toxic environment but I proved him & myself wrong when I ran that final day & never looked back.
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